Posted by Over 67 years, I’ve seen my share of life’s unexpected twists and turns. I will admit, that there have been times when it appears that I intentionally drove my car off the cliff. The older I get, the more time I spend contemplating my life’s journey.
I start daily with the morning meditation from Richard Rohr’s CENTER FOR ACTION AND CONTEMPLATION. I worked with Father Richard several years ago and count him among my friends. Saturday morning’s meditation hit me hard. After I read the meditation, I sat back in my chair and asked myself, “Where am I on the road he discusses?” and can only answer, “Hopefully, where I should be.”
Richard Rohr’s reflection on the second half of life…
People in the second half of life are not preoccupied with collecting more goods and services; quite simply, their desire and effort—every day—is to give back to the world a bit of what they have received. They now realize that they have been gratuitously given to—from the universe, from society, and from God. They try now to ‘‘live simply so that others can simply live.’’
Erik Erikson calls someone at this stage a ‘‘generative’’ person, one who is eager and able to generate life from his or her own abundance and for the benefit of following generations. Because such people have built a good container, they are able to ‘‘contain’’ more and more truth, more and more neighbors, more and broader vision, more and more of a mysterious and outpouring God.
In the second half of life, we do not have strong and final opinions about everything, every event, or most people, as much as we allow things and people to delight us, sadden us, and truly influence us. We no longer need to change or adjust other people to be happy ourselves. We have moved from doing to being to an utterly new kind of doing that flows almost organically, quietly, and by osmosis. Our actions are less compulsive. We do what we are called to do and then let go of the consequences.
It’s true that the second half of life is a certain kind of weight to carry, but no other way of being makes sense or gives us the deep satisfaction our soul now demands and even enjoys. This new and deeper passion is what people mean when they say, “I must do this particular thing or my life will not make sense” or “It is no longer a choice.” Our life and our delivery system are now one, whereas before, our life and our occupation seemed like two different things. Our concern is not so much to have what we love anymore, but to love what we have—right now. This is a monumental change from the first half of life, so much so that it is almost the litmus test of whether we are in the second half of life at all. God’s goal is always union, which is very different from any private perfection (which is merely a goal of the small ego). Our carefully constructed ego container must gradually crack open (see John 12:24) as we realize that we are not separate from God, from others, or from our True Selves. We see that we have an eternal soul. Our ego slowly learns to become the servant of the soul instead of its master.
As Father Richard explains, the path to heaven or the path to hell is not a matter of right or wrong, but more a litmus test of in the scheme of life that measures our actions: do we continue to ‘take’ from life, or do we give just a little more than we take. Do we continue to suck the life out of life, or do we try to make our surrounding community just a little bit better by the choices and actions that we take? Are we positively influencing our neighborhood, city, state, country, and world to broaden our reach in a productive way?
With all due humility, when I read Father Richards’s meditation this morning I could see improvement in my life, which may not seem too much by other folks’ standards. If life is rated on a scale of 1-10, 1 being a total waste and 10 achieving sainthood, I started at minus 3 and have worked my way up to a plus 3 or 4. I’m still in the lower half but continue working my way up.
Changing scenery can have a huge influence on us. I’m talking about far more than moving from one state to another state, city, or country. Scenery is ‘my environment, and it includes most importantly, the circle of people who surround me.
I realized that yesterday as I drove down to Eloy to visit my friend with whom I collaborate on this website. What I saw when he greeted me at his front gate and what I read this morning on Father Richard’s meditation were one and the same. What I read this morning were merely words. What I SAW yesterday were those words put into action and the results of living those words.
Let me tell you about my friend.
He was born and raised in Western Massachusetts. At 17 years old, he entered the United States Air Force Academy and graduated four years later. He became a fighter pilot and flew the F-106 Delta Dart, retired, and made a successful career in corporate aviation.
I met him in 2012 when he managed the library and the bookstore in the gift shop at the Redemptorist Renewal Center outside of Tucson. I was buying some books and we struck up a conversation. Turns out we had several authors we both admired. We became friends and collaborated in some social justice work. When I created the St. Francis Shelter, he helped me with the website. I left last year and moved here to Prescott.
Over the years I watched my friend’s involvement in several amazing projects. One was an organization in Haiti that he loved. After several visits to Cité Soleil – the poorest most dangerous ghetto in the western hemisphere – he and his Haitian friends set up a school for street children. He started a farm in Eloy and sold the produce at farmers’ markets. All the proceeds supported the school in Haiti. No big deal right? Wrong. He got up every day at 5 am, went to the farm, and depending on what season he was in, either plowed, planted, weeded, fertilized, or harvested all the stuff by himself. Not bad for a 73-year-old guy but truly characteristic of a genuine pollack. His grandmother was a Polish immigrant.
Last year, my friend was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer. An avid bicyclist who has logged over 37,000 miles since 2010, he had a bicycling accident on December 1, 2023, before his cancer treatment began. He broke his left femur and artificial hip.
A month later after three weeks in the hospital to repair the leg, he began chemotherapy. I’ve been through chemo, it’s a son of bitch. Last month, my friend and his wife both contracted Covid. I decided the time was right to pay them a visit over the weekend.
As I got out of the car and walked up to the house, he came to the gate to greet me. It had been 2 years since I last saw my friend. I remembered him as a robust, fit man, in excellent physical condition not only for his age but for any age by any standards. What stood before me was a shell of that guy. He looked like shit; I say that with love. I even told him so. But he still had a sparkle in his eye, a strong hug, and a huge smile.
My friend, his wife, and I talked through the afternoon. With no remorse, we joked about the challenges and difficulties of the past year. His wife showed me the monkey picture she uses to compare his looks now to what he was a year ago. The monkey was a sight!! But regretfully, I have to admit they have a striking resemblance. We laughed. It was so heartwarming to watch two people joke about not-so-funny stuff.
My friend limps noticeably when he walks, and only recently has developed the mobility to don his shoes and socks and tie his own shoes. After we talked about the ups and downs of last year, I said to him, Ya gotta be feeling a little bit like Job. He laughed with his great laugh and typically responded,” Yes I do, but through the story of Job I know this isn’t about my bad luck or some kind of cosmic punishment. No woe is me. It’s just life, Carl. There are some things that happen that are beyond our human explanation. Through it all, we must keep the faith.” He shared with me a post on his website he wrote a year ago.
Watching my buddy hobble around while still trying to do right by people and still trying to be of some kind of service to humanity albeit on a much smaller scale is inspiring. I could go on, but I think you get my point.
That change of scenery I write about in the opening paragraphs includes the crew we run with. I may fall way short on some of those points Father Rohr discusses in his meditation, but just hanging with the people who are living in that space of a fulfilling second half of life, lifted me as I drove back up to Prescott.
As I read and pondered the meditation this morning, I thought maybe I’m not quite ready for sainthood, but that’s where I want to be. And whoever I’m hanging with, that’s who I want in my crew. That’s what I’ve tried to do since I moved to Prescott. I have ventured into some great circles and met some amazing people.
It’s been a tough year for me as well mentally and financially, but spending time with my Buddy yesterday had great value. Through all the ups and downs of the past year, I was letting the negative creep in. I was buying into the bullshit and letting self-pity sink in. We only know what we know. and if I’m just hanging around with me, I don’t get the benefit of seeing life through a more positive lens.
Optimism has to have substance, something I can see and feel, taste and smell. I got that yesterday from the shell of a man physically, but a bear spiritually. An old mentor of mine told me years ago that 50% of the time 50% of us have the ball & the other 50% has the ball the other 50% of the time. Our job is to keep passing the ball back and forth. That’s what makes the world go round. my friend.
I hope you find value in my post. If you’re down, the sun will come out tomorrow. If all is well in your world today, well.. share a little experience, strength, and hope with some of us that just ain’t got the ball today. Who knows. Tomorrow our roles might be reversed.
Carl’s comments were very real. I’ll add a few. I think Geno and I along with some Air Force mates had something in common…we were immortal, at least for seventy or so years. Our many gifts and positive attitude made us think and act that way. Even though time has made a case and we have said goodbye to friends it doesn’t take away the idea that we are all in this together. Be a giver. Be a teammate. Geno was hit hard twice in a short time. His great attitude has kept him going. He is not alone. Friends and family and most importantly his wife, Marie have always been there. My wife,Deb is now twelve years cancer free. I remember that “monkey look”. Today she is as cute as ever. Trust me,Geno, it will come back. Your double whammy and the lingering neuropathy is making it a long slow recovery. You have miles to go before you sleep. Your friends think of you every day
Thought what you wrote was not only inspirational, but inspiring to the human spirt! You have more talents than I think you even realize, so continue to do for yourself first, and then for the good of mankind and those that are dear to you!